According to a 2021 Pew Research Poll, 44% of adults between the ages 18-49 say they are either Not at All Likely (23%) or Not Too Likely (21%) to have children someday. A study conducted by Michigan State University, confirms Pew’s poll of those who don’t want to have children (versus not too likely). Approximately 1 out of 5 people who responded, don’t want to have children in the future. Although several reasons for maintaining a childfree life are listed, today I’m going to focus on one of the main reasons. Many people just don’t want to have children. As reported in the Pew Poll, “A majority (56%) of non-parents younger than 50 who say it’s unlikely they will have children someday say they just don’t want to have kids.”
It Just Doesn’t Look Fun
Perhaps, like me, they have gone pretty much anywhere in public and witnessed temper tantrums, screams that will make your ears bleed, and exasperated parents that just don’t look like they are having a good time. These are the snapshots of real parenting. Not the Pampers commercials, or social media posts where everyone is smiling and having a great time. Our society has done a great job of pretending that parenting is great: enjoy every minute, the hardest job you’ll ever love, having children gives you purpose, it’s your responsibility to the future.
Unfortunately, this unhealthy and unrealistic view of childrearing is not only damaging to parents who discover that it’s not as great as they were led to believe, but it encourages young adults to have children they may not want. We have failed to portray the realities of parenting with this bait-and-switch culture and what are the options if you decide you don’t like being a parent? Not much. It’s a decision you’re stuck with, so what do we do? Perpetuate the false belief and encourage others to join you in your misery. Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve seen how hard parenting can be, how it seems like a child’s only job is to test limits and push boundaries until they wear you down enough to get their way.
Studies Show Having Kids Doesn’t Make You Happy
The Institute of Family Studies Does Having Children Make People Happier in the Long Run, findings support my concerns. The study asks men and women, parents and childless, ages 50-70 about their happiness. This report uses data taken over 40 years. In almost every scenario- kids at home, an empty nest, and happiness in marriage; having no kids results in a higher percentage of happiness. This is especially true of married women with children at home, they are the least happy category of people.
Although my husband would disagree as he is very happy being childfree, over the decades, married men with children responded they were very happy a larger percentage than their childfree counterparts. I can’t help but wonder if this is because women are responsible for most of the childrearing and household chores. Sure having kids is great, if you can come home to a cooked meal, clean house, and get to watch tv or play on your phone while your significant other carries the additional load.
The first sentence of this article is: “An enduring finding of the social science literature is that parents are less happy than childless adults.”, which reinforces my belief. It is important to note that it was written in 2018 and consistently uses the term childless rather than childfree. Fast forward 7 years to 2025 there is a difference in what we call adults who choose to not have children. Childless is often used to refer to adults who would like to have children but are unable. Childfree is used to refer to people who have made the conscious choice to create a life without children. I would be interested to know if the people surveyed were childless by choice as that makes a huge difference in their level of happiness. Asking a person who always wanted a child if they are happier without one skews the responses. It’s like asking a poor person if they are happier without money.
A good parent puts their child’s needs before their own, as they should. Adults who want to spend all their time cleaning up after someone else, never going to the bathroom uninterrupted, or having the ability to just sit down for 30 minutes without someone needing something, should absolutely consider having children. I imagine there are people who like to go to the store and enjoy handling a meltdown of epic proportions because they ran out of their child’s favorite cereal. I’m just not one of them.
I know there are good things about having children: when you see them take their first steps, say their first word, or show kindness to others and animals. Of course, it’s not all bad, but it’s a lot harder than anyone admits. Our society makes jokes about the emotional toll childrearing takes on parents’ lives. There is a meme that comes to mind of an elderly woman and the caption below states: “Parenting isn’t hard” Melissa age 27. That’s not only unfair but damaging to parents who are struggling with the sacrifices and to those of us who don’t want that life because this “humor” undermines true discontent.
I’m Good, Thanks
Do you know how much I love getting home from work and doing whatever I want? I love taking naps, going hiking, kayaking, binge-watching tv, reading, sitting in my rocking chair on my porch listening to the birds, chatting with my husband while we make dinner, and chilling with my dog. I love the freedom to decide, whenever I want, to go to the store, for a walk, or go out to dinner with a friend. I can go away with my husband, my sister, or my friends at a moment’s notice. The freedom I have to do what I want when I want is too wonderful to give up for the demands of putting a child before myself. Is that selfish? Sure and I’m ok with that because I’m the one who has to live my life and according to research, I’ll be happier for it too!
Resources:
Brown, Anna. “Growing Share of Childless Adults in U.S. Don’t Expect to Ever Have Children”. Pew Research Center, Nov, 19, 2021.
Growing share of childless adults in U.S. don’t expect to ever have children
Michigan State University. “New Study Reports 1 in 5 Adults don’t Want Children, and They Don’t Regret it Later”. Phys.org. April 5, 2023. https://phys.org/news/2023-04-adults-dont-children.html
Wolfinger, Nicholas H. “Does Having Children Make People Happier in the Long Run?”. Institute for Family Studies. Dec. 10, 2018. https://ifstudies.org/blog/does-having-children-make-people-happier-in-the-long-run